Proof that I Will Die When I Have Three Kids

I had a doctor's appointment today.  Usually I schedule them for Wednesdays so I can go in when my Mom watches them (thanks Mom!).   Unfortunately, this week they wanted me to come in on Friday.  Naturally, since I forgot about my appointment (I'm pregnant, okay?) I forgot to ask Mom to babysit.  That's all right though.  I knew I could take the kids with me.  We can handle it.

"What's this?"

"A trash can with a bio-hazard label.  You should really dig around in there."

"What's this?" 

"Incredibly expensive doctorish equipment.  Please play with it and see how long it takes to demolish."

"Mommy, I want to climb all over you and hug you and kiss you.  Never mind that the only thing covering you from the waist (and I use that word very looooosely...) down is a sheet.  I'm sure you and the doctor don't mind if I climb you like a little monkey and remove that vestige of modesty.  I don't understand why you won't let me shower you with affection right now."

"Thanks, kid.  Remember how we brought your 3 million page Curious George book so that you would be occupied with it the WHOLE TIME but instead you have spent most of the time trying to make me carry it?  Awesome."

If you are already questioning my sanity, hold off a bit.  It gets better.

We went to Carl's Jr. 

It was a reward because they actually were pretty well behaved, considering they were two "busy" boys in a doctor's office with only half supervision.

Due to an extra objectioning tummy, I managed to avoid the Steakhouse Burger (it's heaven in a bun, I'm telling you) and bought three dollar burgers.  We managed to get all three of us to a table by the play place and settled to wait for our burger.

"I have to go potty..."

I run through my options.  Obviously I can't let him go alone. "Can you wait until after we eat?"

"Yes... {insert look of intense concentration bordering desperation}."

"Okay, let's go fast before our food comes and someone takes it from our table."

This part actually went really well--we got back right as the food was getting there.  For those of you who have tried, you must know that getting one experienced child and one potty-training one in and out of the bathroom that fast has GOT to be a record.

Gregory immediately sat down and spilled his water...right into my purse, which was sitting on the empty chair next to me.  Gah.  Got that "cleaned up" and Isaac dropped his hamburger patty onto the floor.  He had probably had two bites.  So, I get up to throw that away, and slip on the water that had just been spilled.  Luckily, the world was not subjected to a pregnant-woman-writhing-on-the-floor-just-trying-to-get-up moment.  But I did twist my knee pretty good.  Ouch.  I let Isaac have my sandwich, but it's a spicy chicken one (hoping to bring on labor) so he kind of freaks out and screams because his mouth is burning...rock on.

Gregory was done eating, Isaac was still hungry, and my knee hurt.  Gregory went to play while Isaac and I walked to the front and order one more ranch bacon burger.  We got back, sat down.  "I want another one too. I'm still hungry."  "Why in the name of all that is holy didn't you tell me that before I ordered Isaac another one?!?!?.....?!?!?......?!?!?!?!?!?!"

Insert at some point during this drama: me trying to get Isaac up into the play place.  He could do it if he tried, but he just kind of stands there.  Gregory was trying to help him, sweet thing, but Isaac isn't that much smaller than he is, and hoisting him up didn't work out so well.  I got him up the first two tall spots, but there was a third that would have required me to climb in and push him up one more time.  Ain't happening kid. 

So Isaac didn't get to play, and I had to go back and get Gregory another Ranch Bacon Cheeseburger.  The cashier may have looked at me a little bit funny, but I wasn't in the mood to explain.

I can only imagine what would happen if I threw a newborn child into the picture.

I am doomed.