Is this test Open-Baby?

Okay, kid--one kick, and it's "a." Two, it's "b."

It's a he.

Death of the perma ponytail

It died. I want everyone to notice.

I'm writing this because nobody HAS.
well, actually, one person, someone that has only known me for a month noticed...

Which is not to say that all of the people I see every day should have noticed.
It's just proof of what a perma ponytail can do for you.
When you cut 8 inches off of your hair and it's the shortest it's ever been, and you come home in triumphant glee, lightheaded and actually excited to do your hair, and your grandma says, "Oh, what have you been out doing?" And you shake your head so your newly clipped locks bounce around...and she says, confusedly, "did you get it trimmed?"
Perma ponytail.
Grandpa didn't notice either, although I proudly pulled the rubberband out with a flourish.
Perma ponytail.
I've been at work, talking to people, being my normal (although slightly sickened) self and--wait! Someone noticed! Lots of people noticed! Everyone is noticing.
Sigh.

I feel better.

Dear World,

You keep giving me funny looks, so please let me explain...

Why I am wearing orange nylons:
My mother, bless her soul, upon hearing that her eldest daughter would soon bear a child, excitedly purchased several gifts for said very grateful daughter. Included was a three pack of maternity nylons ordered from an online provider. What neither mother nor daughter knew (until daughter got to school, that is), is that these nylons have an intense orangey hue when seen in natural light. I swear they looked alright when I put them on (cursing the cold) this morning--although they were a little dark.

Why my dress is sticking to my legs:
I am wearing a slip. Cross my heart and soul. However, I have not yet bought a fat-slip to go with my new cute fat-dress. So my "baby bump" pulls the slip up too high, and it does absolutely no good. Oddly enough, this only happens in frigid temperatures. I have a suspicion that my garish nylons have something to do with it as well.

Why my legs are hairy while wearing a knee-length dress:
Well, you see, I had every intention of wearing nylons to hide that hair. In fact, I did wear nylons to hide that unsightly and rebellious winter tendency. Only I quickly removed them after my first class because YOU were looking at me like I was a freak just because my legs had intense color saturation. Plus, my dress was sticking to me, so I was walking around campus bent over pulling my skirt away from my legs to keep my hemline from creeping up to my waist. So now I took them off to solve two problems and it left me with hairy legs. Deal with it.

Why my heels are bleeding profusely:
I mentioned my new fat-dress. Said fat dress came in a new order of fat-clothes I just ordered. Did I mention I love maternity clothes? They are SO CUTE!!! Oh. But I digress. I bought shoes at the same time, and the whole package arrived yesterday. So despite the fact that they aren't selling wintertime maternity clothes, I donned a new dress, camisole, and shoes for school today. With nylons (under protest to my practical self) because it's pretty cold out there. Never wear brand new shoes for an extended period of time, world. It hurts. EXTRASPECIALLY when you've taken off your nylons due to funny looks from the general populace.

I apologize profusely for all of the faux pas I have committed in one single day--including leaving half of my school books in the bathroom where I removed my nylons. And for using profusely more than once in the same blog.

Sincerely,
Adriane